


When You're Sober

by Kellyscams



Series: Kells' Fic Fest [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Steve Rogers, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, M/M, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Top Bucky Barnes, Unresolved Romantic Tension, duel pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 08:16:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5911978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellyscams/pseuds/Kellyscams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: There is this idea that's been kicking around in my head but I just can't seem get it out so I thought I'd pass it on to you! Listening to Sober by Selena Gomez and I got this idea for pre-war stucky where they are only ever together when Buck is drunk maybe after coming home from dancing & he's always the one to start things. Steve is in love with bucky so he lets it happen every time even though the thinks maybe he shouldn't cause bucky only lets himself love Steve when he's drunk because when he's sober he has all these thoughts about how it's wrong and how he's not a queer. However when he's drunk he doesn't care, he can let go and let himself love Steve but in the morning he always acts like nothing has happened and refuses to acknowledge his feelings for steve or anything that may have happened the night before, pretends that because of the alcohol that he doesn't remember any of it. so like super angsty probably but I can't get the thought out of my head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You're Sober

They’ve both been drinking. Steve knows it was a bad idea to let Bucky drag him out, but, despite his stubborn, indignant attitude sometimes, he’ll really do anything for the guy. Bucky’s promises of _Her friend’s a real swell gal!_ and _I told her all the good things, Steve!_ usually prove false. Even the times they don’t, and some interest -- or at least politeness -- is shown towards Steve, he always blows it. Because he’s too busy watching Bucky. Watching Bucky flirt as naturally as breathing while swinging out there on the dancefloor. Steve has stopped denying to himself that he’s jealous. There’s no point in fighting it anymore. He’s jealous. Jealous of the pretty girls that soak up Bucky’s attention. Of the way Bucky casually touches them when he spins them and dips them and pulls them back in. 

Steve’s date tonight -- Patti -- has been nice enough. Sitting with him at the small table and making polite conversation while trying not to stare too longingly at her laughing friend dancing with Bucky. She’s been kind enough to constantly assure Steve that it’s okay that he’s not dancing with her. 

“I’d just step on your feet,” he tells her as he takes another sip of his drink. 

She just laughs and waves her hand and says it’s okay. 

Over on the dancefloor, Bucky and his date have just kissed between laughing and are now headed back over to the table. Hand in hand. Still laughing. 

“So,” Bucky shouts over the music. “How’s Steve treatin’ ya, doll?” he asks Patti. “Didn’t I tell ya he was the cat’s meow?”

Patti smiles. “He says he ain’t nothin’ but a dead hoofer.” 

Tossing his head back with a laugh, Bucky swings an arm around his date and nudges Steve chin with his knuckles. 

“Sucker might got two left feet, but there’s a load more to ‘im than that mug.” Bucky swipes the drink that he left on the table when he headed off with his date to dance and chugs the rest of it. “Did he tell ya he’s an artist?”

“Bucky…” Steve grumbles. 

“He is!” 

Lifting his hand up, Bucky orders them another round as he pulls his date onto his lap. He goes on talking about Steve and drinking and nuzzling his date’s neck. Now that Bucky and her friend are back, Patti has taken to ignoring Steve. Or maybe Steve’s too down and out to be good company. 

“How bout it?” Bucky exclaims after one more round. “Wanna get back and cut it?”

“You know what?” Steve knocks back the rest of his drink. “I think I’m gonna call it.”

Bucky just stares at him as Steve pushes away from the table and thanks the ladies for a night of their company. To Bucky, he gives a quick nod before hurrying away. He’s done for the night. Done watching the person he loves trying to connect with someone who isn’t him. Especially when… when…

The glands in Steve’s throat swell as he leaves the place. Tears sting behind his eyes as they try to push their way out. He won’t let them though, and wipes his arm over his face a few times as he marches home. 

He’s only just sat down at the kitchen table with a self-deprecating huff when the front door opens again. Bucky stands in the doorway as he finishes the last of a cigarette before flicking it away and coming in. Smiling. 

“What’re you doin’?” Steve asks. “Why’re you home?”

Bucky shrugs. “Didn’t feel much like stayin’ out without you.” 

There’s the slightest of swaying to Bucky’s steps as he comes in. His hair is a little windblown and there’s a flush splashed over his neck and chest -- which Steve can see clearly since the first few buttons of Bucky’s shirt are undone. 

“You looked like you were havin’ a good time,” Steve grumbles. “Patti was jealous.”

Bucky’s lips turn up. After a short pause he says, “Yeah?”

“Mhm.” Steve gets up and goes to the kitchen sink to splash some water over his face. “She didn’t wanna be stuck with a fuddy-duddy like me. No one does.”

The fingers on the back of his neck send a shock through him, though it shouldn’t. He’s felt it before. Steve is still leaned over the sink and doesn’t move as Bucky fits his hand there. 

“Dunno why,” Bucky murmurs. “You’re prettier than all them dames out there. Prettiest little thing under the sun.”

There’s only a few inches between them. Steve can feel the heat coming from Bucky’s body as his thumb traces soft circles into Steve’s skin. Steve feels himself turning to face him before his mind registers the movements. Bucky’s hand never leaves. He simply adjusts it so that it rests at the side of Steve’s neck now. 

“Buck…”

“How could ya not be?” he says softly. His fingers skim over Steve’s eyes. “Look at them baby blues and those long lashes.” Steve’s heart starts to pound. He can feel his cheeks burning. “And those lips…” Bucky’s thumb brushes over them, and they part, Steve inviting the tip of Bucky’s finger into his mouth. “So pretty.”

They’ve been through this before. Bucky drinking a bit too much -- or perhaps just the right amount -- and looking at Steve this way. The way Steve wishes he’d always look at him. Like he’s the most beautiful, precious thing in the world. 

He shouldn’t let it happen. Steve knows that. Knows that in the morning it won’t make any lick of difference but he just doesn’t have it in him to stop it, and when Bucky leans in, Steve stays perfectly still. 

It’s always so slow like this, as Bucky brings his lips to Steve’s. Unsure and nervous, yet full of so much experience. When they finally meet, Steve gives way and kisses back as Bucky’s fingers comb through his hair. Bucky touches him softly. Not like he’s afraid he’s going to hurt him, but gentle and tender. His hands run down Steve’s shoulders, able to almost wrap all around them. Steve smiles. Despite everything he knows already, he still smiles. 

When the kissing slows to a stop, Bucky only moves away enough to rest his brow against Steve’s before he kisses the top of his head. 

“Come inside with me, Stevie,” he whispers. “Lemme make you feel good.”

He should say no. But he doesn’t want to. Steve wants Bucky. Wants him so badly it hurts . And if this is the only way he can have him, Steve just isn’t strong enough to say no.

“Tell me you love me,” Steve breathes. “Please, Bucky. Tell me you--”

“I love you, Stevie.” Bucky goes on to pepper soft kisses down his neck. Across his Adam’s apple and collarbone. “I love you. So much, baby doll.”

Steve’s belly leaps with joy. Every time they go through this. The words float along just the edge of his heart. Not daring to sink all the way in. 

He wraps his arms around Bucky’s neck. “Take me inside.”

Wasting no time, Bucky scoops him up into his arms. Bridal style. Steve doesn’t mind. Normally, being carried -- or really, any act that might be using his small size against him -- feels condescending and belittled. Worthless even. Not with Bucky. Never with Bucky, even when Steve puts up a fight.

Right now, all Steve’s interested in is being close to him. The feel of Bucky’s lips against his as he carries him to the bedroom makes him warm all over. His muscles both tightening and feeling like jelly. When Bucky places him gently onto the bed, he pushes him back and just keeps on kissing him. Bucky’s fingers easily undo Steve’s buttons even with their lips pressed together. Once he works his shirt open, Bucky lifts away and hovers over him. 

His eyes rake over Steve’s body. Steve’s stopped moving to cover himself since Bucky always pulls his arms away to keep him from doing it. Bucky traces his index finger down Steve’s ribs, going over them one by one and making his skin quiver. It tickles, but not uncomfortably so. 

“Look at you,” Bucky hums. “So beautiful. Do I make you feel good, Stevie?”

“Mhm.” Steve arches his back when Bucky runs his hand down his chest and to the rim of his pants. “Bucky…”

The button of his pants come undone and Bucky eases the zipper down. He slips down to his knees while sliding the pants off. Bucky’s hands glide up Steve’s legs and across his thighs. Steve spreads them. He doesn’t even think about doing it. It just happens, and Bucky nuzzles at Steve’s length through his underwear. 

A soft moan rises through Steve’s throat at the teasing. Bucky licks over the fabric and makes Steve’s pulse spike. Hard and heavy. 

“Bucky…” he whimpers. “Please…”

A low chuckle rumbles through Bucky’s chest. He kisses there once more before finally getting on with it and taking Steve’s underwear off. Steve is hit with the sudden realization that he’s now fully naked while Bucky remains with all his clothes on. He wonders, for a moment, if this is how they are. Steve, exposed with Bucky closed off. He tries hard not to think about it. Which is not all that difficult once Bucky starts kissing up his erection. 

Steve shivers through the heat of it as Bucky kisses up and down, and suckles on the tip all while keeping a tight grip on his waist. It’ll leave bruises, it usually does, and Steve doesn’t mind. In fact, he likes it. Likes the imprinted reminder of the small moments in time he gets to be Bucky’s. 

He cries out when Bucky finally takes him fully into his mouth. Sucking down and swirling his tongue over Steve’s cockhead and pulling whines and whimpers from Steve. Heat ripples through him, his balls tightening along with the rest of his body. His fingers take a grip in Bucky’s hair instead of balling into tight fists in the sheets. Steve wants to touch Bucky. _Feel_ him with his own two hands.

When Steve feels Bucky’s hand slipping under him, he lifts up and allows him to touch there. His fingers are all slicked up -- Bucky keeps Vaseline under the bed -- though they don’t yet seek entry. Just tease around Steve tight, waiting hole. 

“Buck--” A gasp catches in his throat Bucky pushes again, but still doesn’t go in. “Don’t tease me… please…” 

Bucky laughs, actually _laughs_ , around Steve’s swollen cock and flicks his eyes up to him. He likes it when Steve gets needy. Likes when Steve shakes and whimpers and begs. To be honest, Steve likes it, too. It’s the one time Steve can enjoy not having control over his body. This is nothing like when it works against him. Not like asthma attacks and viruses and fevers that spike in the cold winter’s nights. No, this is his body handed over to Bucky. And Steve trusts that he’ll keep it safe. Always. 

“You want me inside you, Stevie?” he asks. Voice sweetly taunting. 

“Yes,” Steve whines. “I-- _oh fuck_ ,” he grunts as Bucky pushes that teasing finger halfway in. “Yes… more…”

“Let me in, Stevie,” Bucky murmurs. “Relax.”

He’s right. Steve’s tensed, and when his muscles start to loosen up, his body takes Bucky with ease. Like it was born to. Bucky slips his mouth back over Steve’s length and continues to suck as he moves his finger in and out. It doesn’t take long before Bucky’s adding a second finger, and when he does, he spreads and curls them just right. Lightning strikes at the spot he scrapes with his fingers and shoots through Steve’s entire body. Steve yelps with the all encompassing pleasure. Between Bucky’s mouth and fingers, Steve’s seeing stars. Stars and fire and gold. 

By the time Bucky’s worked up to three fingers, and the stretch and burn have Steve squirming all over the mattress and near tears, he shouts and sobs out. The night shimmers around him in shining sparkles. 

“Bucky! Oh, _god_ , Bucky!”

“You ready for me, baby doll?”

“Yes, yes!” Steve is already edging closer to the end of the bed to make it easier. He just needs Bucky to fuck him. Needs to feel him filling him up with all of him. “Please, Bucky…”

He’s already worked his pants down so Steve turns over for him so he can get himself lined up. Steve can feel the touch of Bucky’s tip brushing against him, but the doesn’t move in. 

“Bucky--”

“Say it, Stevie,” Bucky murmurs. “Please. I wanna hear you say it, too.”

“I love you,” Steve whispers. The words burn in his throat as tears gather in his eyes. Steve is drunk in love with Bucky. More than Bucky could ever know. Outside of the buzz of liquor inspired love making. Beyond the worlds that lay before them. “I love you, Bucky.”

With that confession -- real to Steve, drunken to Bucky -- Bucky drives on in with a groan and a pull of Steve’s waist. He gets all the way inside in just two thrusts. Deep and buried, and he waits to check in with Steve before moving any further. 

“You okay, Stevie?” he asks.

Steve glances over his shoulder, and knows, by the look in his eyes and the sound of his voice, that if he said no, Bucky would stop. 

The word yes sits on his tongue, but Steve can’t quite find his voice. It seems to be lost somewhere in a haze of emotions. Love and wanting and hunger and lust. He nods. Bucky nods back, and starts to rock his hips. 

Steve’s head drops into the sheets. At the same time, Bucky starts kissing between his shoulder blades. He’s murmuring things behind him, though Steve is too lost in the sensation of feeling Bucky thrust in and out of him to hear what. Especially when Bucky’s arm snakes around his waist and pulls him up enough that he can wrap a hand over his cock. 

“ _Bucky_ ,” Steve pants when that hand starts pumping. A squeeze enough that it might hurt if it didn’t feel so good. “Bucky… Bucky… Bucky…”

“Steve…” Bucky’s just as breathless. Maybe even more so while he rocks in and out of him and moves his hand. “Let go, baby doll. Let go for me…”

And Steve does. Helpless to stop the rapture with another shout of Bucky’s name on his lips. As his release spurts out of him, Bucky moves faster and reaches his own climax, filling Steve up even more and catches himself just before falling over Steve. Instead, he shift enough so that he’s still inside of him, but not all his weight rests over Steve’s smaller body. 

They’re sweat-soaked and panting. Steve’s lungs have just started to feel the burn on oncoming asthma, but they don’t succumb. Bucky’s hand trails up and down Steve’s crooked spine. It feels nice. Until Bucky pulls out, his release beginning to leak out of Steve with him. 

“You okay, baby doll?” Bucky murmurs with an added kissed to the side of Steve’s neck.

Steve wishes he could tell him the truth. No. He’s not okay. This is it. The beginning of the end. Bucky will hold him in his arms until morning. And in the morning, none of this happened. Bucky never remembers, and if Steve tried to speak now, his voice would crack and barely come out. So he just nods. 

“‘Kay.” Bucky is still moving his hand over Steve’s back, but the sensation is no longer the same, comforting touch it was only moments before. “Let’s get under the covers. I don’t want you catchin’ cold, Steve.”

“Okay.”

They do that. Crawl under the blankets and Bucky pulls Steve in and Steve folds against him. It’s warm in Bucky’s embrace, and yet Steve feels cold. Bucky will wake up sober and Steve will still be drunk.

~~

The tears hurt. They always do when they show up at this moment. When it’s over. When Bucky holds his precious Steve close and buries those tears in the top of soft, golden hair. 

He want to tell him. So badly. The words sit on Bucky’s tongue day and night. _I love you, Steve_. But he can never say it. He can’t sully Steve’s good nature with his sinful ways and unnatural love. Steve is meant for greatness. For heaven. Bucky doesn’t know how to love Steve sober. 

But drunk, at least just a little, Bucky can love him. They can pretend it never happened, just like they always do. Steve can go on thinking that Bucky’s a good guy. Not some creep who desires and loves his best friend. Loves. So much. With every aching beat of his heart. 

Bucky can’t love Steve sober. But he can love him drunk. 

And as long as Steve will let him, he will.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! This was a part of Kells' Februrary Ficlet Fest
> 
> The February Ficlet Fest are all ficlets that are based upon prompts sent to my tumblr at [thebestpersonherelovesbucky](http://thebestpersonherelovesbucky.tumblr.com/). Prompts can be nsfw, fluffy, feels, angst, canon, au etc.– the theme is yours for the choosing! 
> 
> If you want something specific ((like who tops or bottoms or prewar//post-ws etc.)) just let me know. Otherwise I’ll take it upon myself to decide and assume you’ve given me that trust and permission to do so
> 
> I work with pretty much all kinks save for underage, rape play, htp, blood play and maybe a few others that I just can’t think of ((cause they’re just not my thing, is all))
> 
> Poly works for me! The more the merrier! So if you’d like to bring Tony or Sam or Thor or Peggy or Nat or any of our other heroes in for the fun that’s good by me!


End file.
